3 reasons you should boycott the Fifty Shades of Grey film

Image via the6thsiren on Tumblr

Image via the6thsiren on Tumblr

It’s not long until Fifty Shades of Grey releases in the cinemas, and although you may be considering going to see it with your other half or friends for “a bit of a laugh”, there are some very good reasons why you shouldn’t see this film at all. If you truly don’t believe there’s anything wrong with the film or books, here are three reasons why you should give it a miss this Valentine’s Day.

It’s about abuse, not love

There is nothing romantic about domestic violence, yet Fifty Shades continues to try to convince us that stalking your partner, forcing them to do things they don’t want to, and making them feel frightened you’re going to beat “seven shades of shit” out of them (yes, that’s an actual quote from the book) is what true love feels like. There is nothing wrong with having a kinky sex life, or indeed living the BDSM lifestyle, but Fifty Shades’s interpretation of submission and domination is downright dangerous. Around two women a week are killed by either a current or ex partner. Domestic violence is a real problem and films and books like this do nothing to help solve it.

It doesn’t portray the BDSM community accurately

Want to spice up your relationship with whips and blindfolds? Fantastic! There are lots of great sex shops you can go to, experts you can speak to, and books and films which accurately portray what BDSM and kinky sex involves. Fifty Shades is not one of those films. Being dominant in the bedroom does not mean you force someone into sex – you agree what you do and don’t want to do with your partner beforehand. You lay down some house rules and agree on a safe word, if necessary. Mr Grey does not pay attention to safe words. This doesn’t just make him a bad dom, that makes him a rapist. A rapist who managed to convince a virgin girl to have sex with him, on his terms. Doesn’t sound so sexy now, does it?

There are much better, sexier films out there

Fifty Shades isn’t ground-breaking in any sense of the word. There are numerous, much better films out there that portray kinky sex the way it’s supposed to be. Secretary is a personal favourite of mine, and if you haven’t seen it, you should. James Spader, also called Mr Grey, plays a boss who likes to dominate his newest member of staff, Lee Holloway, played by Maggie Gyllenhaal. It’s dark, sexy, funny, and, most importantly, it has a heart. Lee is never abused or forced to do things she doesn’t want to – she falls in love. In this film, BDSM allows the two characters to be themselves, to be free. It isn’t about a man who beats women because he’s long harboured a hatred for them.

I urge you not to go and see Fifty Shades of Grey in two weeks time. It will undoubtedly do well at the box office, and this worries me considering how poorly it demonstrates what a loving, kinky relationship should be. Fifty Shades may be marketed as ‘porn’ for women, but at its very best it’s a misguided effort to convince women to experiment more in the bedroom. Whether you’re a lady or a gentleman, never let your partner do what they want to you because society tells you to submit to their desires. That is not what a loving relationship is, and don’t let anyone, or any film, tell you differently.

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50 Shades of Grey – is it sexually liberating or encouraging abusive relationships?

Hello, I realise I haven’t written here on my blog for well over a month now and I apologise, I have been swept up writing for Geek.com and therefore haven’t had much time or brain space for an idea for this blog. However, last night a friend of mine on Twitter was making a very good point about erotic novel sensation, 50 shades of grey, and I realised it’s important for this issue to be discussed.

If you’ve been living under a rock over the past month, 50 shades of grey is an erotic novel, aimed at women about a young, innocent virgin girl who’s taken under an older man’s wing who teaches her all about the world of kinky sex. It’s poorly written and, from what I’ve read, not very sexy. But it has had a positive impact on women, many have found it sexually liberating, sales in sex toys have risen notably and more and more women have been visiting erotic novel book stores. It’s important because women tend to not be so open about sex, stores like Ann Summers have arguably made spicy sex more acceptable in normal society but it’s predominately men who are open about sex, talk about it more and it’s seen as much more normal for men to look at porn than women. 50 shades of grey, whether you enjoy it or not, has made BDSM more acceptable.

The BDSM community, those into bondage, domination, submission, sado-masochism, role-play, etc is generally not seen as normal. Everyone is a bit kinky when it comes to something, everyone has a fetish, but BDSM takes it one step further. 50 shades of grey does NOT accurately portray that community. The issue is, 50 shades depicts BDSM as a controlling, bordering on abusive relationship, anyone within that community will tell you that is not true. It’s about trust and love just like any other form of sex. 50 shades seems to say this kind of relationship is normal and desirable, it’s not and it shouldn’t be. No one should be forced to do anything inside a relationship. Most people understand this and if their partner was abusive to them, they would leave but there are some people who are easily manipulated by abusive men and women. I would hate to think someone would be stuck inside a horrible relationship because 50 shades says it’s okay.

Now that may be taking things to an extreme but it’s important to know the difference between a loving BDSM relationship and an abusive one, older readers will likely understand the difference but the younger ones reading could be susceptible to people like Mr Grey. There is nothing wrong with books like 50 shades of grey and there is no way it should be censored at all but please, do your research, be careful and don’t be afraid to ask questions before getting into such a relationship. 50 shades has done some positive things but if you want an accurate erotic novel about BDSM, this isn’t it.