50 Shades of Grey – is it sexually liberating or encouraging abusive relationships?

Hello, I realise I haven’t written here on my blog for well over a month now and I apologise, I have been swept up writing for Geek.com and therefore haven’t had much time or brain space for an idea for this blog. However, last night a friend of mine on Twitter was making a very good point about erotic novel sensation, 50 shades of grey, and I realised it’s important for this issue to be discussed.

If you’ve been living under a rock over the past month, 50 shades of grey is an erotic novel, aimed at women about a young, innocent virgin girl who’s taken under an older man’s wing who teaches her all about the world of kinky sex. It’s poorly written and, from what I’ve read, not very sexy. But it has had a positive impact on women, many have found it sexually liberating, sales in sex toys have risen notably and more and more women have been visiting erotic novel book stores. It’s important because women tend to not be so open about sex, stores like Ann Summers have arguably made spicy sex more acceptable in normal society but it’s predominately men who are open about sex, talk about it more and it’s seen as much more normal for men to look at porn than women. 50 shades of grey, whether you enjoy it or not, has made BDSM more acceptable.

The BDSM community, those into bondage, domination, submission, sado-masochism, role-play, etc is generally not seen as normal. Everyone is a bit kinky when it comes to something, everyone has a fetish, but BDSM takes it one step further. 50 shades of grey does NOT accurately portray that community. The issue is, 50 shades depicts BDSM as a controlling, bordering on abusive relationship, anyone within that community will tell you that is not true. It’s about trust and love just like any other form of sex. 50 shades seems to say this kind of relationship is normal and desirable, it’s not and it shouldn’t be. No one should be forced to do anything inside a relationship. Most people understand this and if their partner was abusive to them, they would leave but there are some people who are easily manipulated by abusive men and women. I would hate to think someone would be stuck inside a horrible relationship because 50 shades says it’s okay.

Now that may be taking things to an extreme but it’s important to know the difference between a loving BDSM relationship and an abusive one, older readers will likely understand the difference but the younger ones reading could be susceptible to people like Mr Grey. There is nothing wrong with books like 50 shades of grey and there is no way it should be censored at all but please, do your research, be careful and don’t be afraid to ask questions before getting into such a relationship. 50 shades has done some positive things but if you want an accurate erotic novel about BDSM, this isn’t it.

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7 thoughts on “50 Shades of Grey – is it sexually liberating or encouraging abusive relationships?

  1. Well, this thing started as a Twilight fan fic, so… that’s where the abuse comes from! They just quickly threw in shit about it being “BDSM” when they realized it wouldn’t be “sexy” if the man wasn’t a vampire anymore. Ugh.

  2. In other news, my local Waterstones has a billboard outside it that proudly says “WE HAVE 50 SHADES OF GREY” like they are some sort of leper colony that have to admit to it lest they be stoned by the public.

  3. On behalf of those I know in the BDSM community, and maybe a little personal experience, I completely agree with the above. The point of the submissive and dominant roles is complex in nature – it may surprise you to know that it is the submissive partner in control! Though the dominant has the power and physical control, everything they do is dictated by the will of the sub 🙂 the submissive loves and trusts the dominant not to abuse the power given to them, and the dominant loves and wishes to please the submissive as much as getting their own pleasure in doing so 🙂

  4. Just finished 50 shades of grey. I read it cause of all the hype, and I did’nt really enjoy as much as I thought I would. Thought the writing was too simple and I’m gonna vommit if I have to read “he finds his release” again. haha. I think that the book can tempt people into trying new things behind four walls, but not go as far as getting in to abusive relationships.

    Just checked out your blog cause I saw that you go to Kingston University as well. Please feel free to have a humoristic moment or two reading my blog in here. 🙂
    http://piecesofmyrandomness.wordpress.com/

  5. Hai. If I’m going to disqualify people base on when their last post was, could you kindly do one and make me not look like a hypocrite? :p

    I have nominated you for the One Lovely Blog Award! If you wish to accept the nomination, go to my blog to find the rules: http://laurensplayground.wordpress.com/2012/09/18/one-lovely-blog-award/

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